M&J

    We recently ran into quite the toddler problem. The last few times I tried to give my son a haircut, it resulted in a complete meltdown. I have always cut his hair myself. When he was very little, I would set him up in his scooter with some good snacks and put on his favorite show. He would have some wiggily moments, but I could always get the haircut done. As he got older we moved to the high chair. He progressively got more wiggily and difficult to do. We had him watch his father get his haircut, always saying what a good job daddy was doing. I also did a few haircuts at naptime while he was asleep. I could at least get around his ears safely, then deal with the rest when he was awake. Clippers were even more out of the question. He hated the clippers near him. I could always get farther with just scissors than the clipper.

 

    It finally got to the point where I would just pull the scissors out and he would get upset and run away. One of the last haircuts I buckled him in his highchair and told him he had to have his hair cut. He is two and a half. It was horrible. He screamed and cried. I had candy and a new toy out as a reward/destraction. He worked himself up so much, that after I finished he would not even look at me and took a while to calm down. I usually keep my calm with stuff like this. I know if I got upset it would just confirm his feelings and make him more upset. As I was sitting with him all upset, the fact that he did not want to look at me was just too much for my emotions. I started crying along with him. When he saw that, he cried more, but looked at me and hugged me. As I was crying, I knew that it was probably the worst thing to do, but I just couldn’t help it.

 

    Later that day I turned to the internet to see what other people had done in this situation. I was actually quite disappointed with what I found. There was articles from doctors and from children's magazines. Experts have come to the conclusion that you should just not cut your child's hair to avoid traumatizing them. WHAT? How can that be it? So if my kid does not like his face washed, I am just supposed to leave it dirty? That is ridiculous. There was a bunch of comments about all the things I had already tried regarding treats and bribes. Then I watched a video of an older kid, probably at least seven years old. It was two ladies at a barber shop holding down this big kid to cut his hair. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and fighting them in front of a waiting room full of people. That is NOT going to be my kid. I have to figure something out.
 

    I thought about bringing him to a professional child's hairdresser. I’m sure they have dealt with this before. They must have a few tricks to get this job done. I thought sitting in a spaceship might be enough of a distraction to get the job done. I found a few local places online and noted their phone numbers for when he was ready for his next haircut.

 

    I should be able to do this. I have been working at a dog groomers for 15 years. My son also comes to work with me three days a week and constantly hears clippers that entire time without any concern.  I have cut the hair of dogs old and young and calmed even quite difficult animals. I have worked with animals that are fearful and have had previous bad experiences themselves. How is it possible that I can not handle something like this with my son who is so good with everything else?

 

    I thought it was worth one last try. I went back to a technique that we use with the most difficult animals. One step at a time and reward after each little thing. So, yesterday it was time for another haircut. He was looking pretty shaggy, so I got the scissors and comb out and left them on the counter where he could not see them. I didn’t want him to preemptively start getting upset before I even started. It has been about a week since Halloween, so I had a bag of a variety of candy that I do not let him eat. I pulled out a package of smarties and unwrapped it on the counter. I closed the gates in the room so that he could not leave the kitchen.I got out the scissors and comb. I had one candy in my hand and sat on the floor. I showed him the candy and told him that I had to do one snip for him to get that candy. He didn’t really like that idea. He tried to get the candy from my hand and ran around a little bit. I calmly sat on the floor with the scissors and candy. He finally let me snip two little hairs that were sticking out the side. SUCCESS! I congratulated him and he got his candy. He was actually quite proud of himself. I was ready to stop at any time and not push him too far. To keep it a fun event and end on a high note. I knew it would not be a good looking haircut either.

 

    He let me do a few more snips, each time getting a candy. He was now actually putting his head toward me so I could snip and he could earn his candy. He was doing so well, that I thought I would up the ante. I started asking for two snips. And he obliged. We went along with two snips for a while before we moved to three snips. We had a party each time he earned his candy. He was actually having fun! So was I. Each snip was such a sweet success after the last haircut trauma. I then made a bold move, I asked for ten snips. He knew he was going to get his candy and he liked counting to ten anyways. My gamble paid out. I got the ten snips and actually got a pretty decent haircut out of all this. We ended with his favorite blue M&M and a big hug and telling him what a good job he did. It may seem like I used a lot of candy, but it was only one package of smarties and half a little bag of M&Ms. He rarely gets to eat candy anyways. Only when he earns it.

    I am really glad I tried one last time myself. We had a fun time together and conquered a childhood fear successfully together. Sometimes baby steps are the way to go. I put the rest of the small candies from his Halloween bag in the box with the haircutting stuff for the next time. We will probably have to use candy and this method for a while, but I am fine with that. As long as I avoid him being a big kid flipping out at a haircut!.