M&J

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    It seems like everything I do with my child has this underlying controversy. I get looks of disbelief or disapproval much too often for my liking. I think if I was not confident in my decisions and in myself as a mother, it would bother me. It is also possible that I have been bucking the norm for quite a long time now. I am so used to those looks, from going to art school, owning three pit bulls, buying a house with my boyfriend, ect. The looks just bring on the fight in me to share my knowledge and research to explain why I did a particular thing. Usually by the time I explain my reasoning, people usually look kind of impressed. So now we are onto co-sleeping or bed sharing.

 

    My ten month old sleeps in bed with my boyfriend and I. In fact he is sleeping next to me as I write this. If you asked me when I was pregnant if my baby would sleep in bed with me, I know I would have said no way! I knew I wanted him in the room with us at first, but he would be in his own room pretty soon.  I was also surprised and confused at the fact that the hospital had me sign a paper that made me promise not to sleep with my baby while in the hospital. At one point I was holding him and dozed off a little and panicked that I was going to get in trouble. I wasn’t trying to sleep with him, nor did I want to at the time.

 

    When we came home from the hospital I had the bassinet set up in our room right at the end of the bed. I wanted to be able to see him at any moment to check on him. I would lay down with him to breastfeed him, then once he was asleep I could move him anywhere I wanted. I would put him in the bassinet to sleep. He would wake up twice during the night to be fed and would go right back to sleep after. Probably about a month in, I started letting him stay in bed with us only in the morning, just so I didn’t have to get up again to put him back. His daddy would be getting up pretty soon and he would wake up anyways.

 

    We were getting more sleep than most new parents, but not sleeping straight through the night still wears on you. During my pregnancy I was up all night with heartburn and bathroom trips, so I actually was getting more sleep than I had gotten in the previous nine months. After another month of baby tending, I started letting him stay in bed after the first time he woke up. At bedtime, I still always put him in the bassinet once he fell asleep. I even put him in his room in his crib a few nights. The further he was from me was just more of an inconvenience for me. The quicker I could get to him, the less he woke up, and the faster I could get him back to sleep.

 

    I finally just stopped putting him in the bassinet when he fell asleep. It was nice. I liked sleeping with him. I love snuggling up with him and watching his little face as he sleeps. I like being able to check on him without getting up or even moving. I love not having to get out of bed to feed him. I know that he is warm enough in the winter, or cool enough in the summer.

 

    I didn’t make this decision uneducated. I did research on bed sharing, room sharing, and co-sleeping. I took safety measures. I took into consideration my sleeping habits and our bed set up. So, first off, I am a very light sleeper. If I have any alcohol at all to drink I become a very heavy sleeper, like most people I’m sure. I am breastfeeding, so drinking is out anyways. One problem solved. Not only am I a light sleeper, but I don’t move in my sleep either. I always wake up in the same position I fell asleep in. This is probably the most important thing to consider with this sleeping arrangement. He sleeps on the outside edge of the bed, never between me and daddy. His father is a very active sleeper. He rolls around a lot with lots of arm flopping and leg swinging.

 

    In the beginning he was still pretty young and did not move around while sleeping. He could not roll over. I placed him on the bed so that his head was in the top corner of the bed with his body at an angle towards me. The pillows were kept far away from his head and I could keep my hand on him or near him. The mattress was pushed tightly to the wall. Our blankets could cover his body, but could not reach his face. As soon as he would move a little or make a sound, I was instantly awake.

 

    As he got older he would roll around a little as he was waking up. I was always awake fast enough to have a hand on him. A few occasions he would flip over pretty fast so I got one of those panels used on toddlers beds so they don’t fall out. It is just an extra safety measure for my piece of mind. For only twenty bucks, I have been really happy with it. My other great trick is a small waterproof pad. The outside is soft, but there is a waterproof layer inside. When I feed him he is placed on it. Once he falls asleep I can just grab the corners and slide him wherever is convenient for me. It is also a life saver when the diaper gets a little leaky. I figured that out pretty quick after washing my sheets every couple days. He eats a lot during the night, so there is a lot of output. With cloth diapering I learned to change his diaper a few times through the night. I had it down pretty well. Before bed I would put a couple fresh diapers next to the bed. When he would eat at 1am and 5am I would quick change his diaper before he would wake up. I would not even move him out of bed. Cheap diapers absorb the same or even less than my cloth ones. I splurged and bought the super absorbent diapers just to try at night. They have worked great for keeping us dry all night. I hate putting those diapers on him with that mystery gel in there, but we do get a really good nights sleep with them.

 

    The other day I was visiting with one of my mommy friends. We started talking about how our babies were sleeping. Which in turn was how much each of us were sleeping. Her daughter sleeps in her crib. I was so surprised to hear the MOST sleep she ever got at a time was only 5 hours. Her daughter would wake up and cry, waking up mommy and daddy. Her husband sleeps on the couch downstairs to get sleep. I almost felt bad telling her that we would get anywhere from 8 to 12 hours of sleep every night. The previous night we had slept 12 hours. Our daddy get an undisturbed night of sleep right next to us. In the past 10 months he has only been woken up four or five times. A lot of the co-sleeping habits were started to keep our son from making noise and waking daddy up. He has to get up early to go to work and I want to do everything I can to make sure he gets a good night sleep.

 

    Co-sleeping children also don’t usually have security blankets or attachments to stuffed toys. If you think about it, makes sense. A child is looking for a companion to sleep with. A friend to make them feel safe and secure. I get to be that for my baby. To me, that sounds more natural and healthy. In a lot of my child rearing decisions I look back at the history of humans. I’m sure early humans didn’t put their children far away from them at night. They probably snuggled up together as a family or a group to keep everyone warm. Look at pretty much all species of mammals. The curl up together or in a big pile to keep everyone warm. Pushing one young offspring out of the pile by mother or siblings is usually a sign that the young one has something wrong with it and is not worth the resources to keep alive.

 

    Everyone is different. If my sleeping habits were different I would never have started sleeping with him. The more information I learn about co-sleeping, the more I wonder why more people don’t do it and why people think it is so terrible. Most of the world’s population sleeps with their children. The United States is the only country that mostly makes their babies sleep alone in a crib. Cribs aren’t 100% safe either. The other thing that surprised me was the fact that the only common factor in infant deaths that occurred in co-sleeping situation was that the babies were all formula fed. It wasn’t alcohol use or bedding. I don’t really know how that works, but that means that none of them were breastfed. The first comment I see on co-sleeping post is “wouldn’t you feel terrible if something bad happened in your bed?” Well I would feel pretty bad if something happened while he was in his crib also. It is kind of a stupid comment. Any parent would be devastated if something bad happened to their child in any situation whether it had to do with sleeping habits or any other situation. I feel as though I am doing the best thing for him and our family.

   

    Do what is best for you. Educate yourself. Ignore the looks of “you are crazy”. I have a very happy, healthy, and well rested little guy. I get those looks for cloth diapering, making my own baby food, buying wood and stainless steel toys, eliminating plastics, and only dressing him in natural fibers. Find your own way to safely sleep with or without your child. I am writing this because these are the kind of things I wanted to read when I started doing this. I just wanted to see how other people co-slept and did it safely. Enjoy!